The worries of eating

There is an ease and convenience to the liquid diet. The lack of choice - for me there's not even a flavour option - just makes it simple. I grab a package for every meal I'll miss. Take a shaker. I know now that bottled water and ice are easily available at Subway, both my work spaces and (I've heard) McDonald's.
My sense is that I'm going to miss the simple packing and preparation when I return to real food. The return of stress of making the right choice and the work of creating food that's appropriate will both hit at the same time.
The Partners for Healthier Weight program spends the next few weeks talking about nutrition. It's exciting to have the opportunity to study the value of food and understand nutrition.
I wish I could embrace the counselling aspects of the program as well as the nutrition education. There is value in the counselling. My challenge is the willingness to work as it's needed. Some of it is just hard for me. Journaling makes me uncomfortable.  The concept of building my support systems makes me value my friends even more and greatly appreciate their loyalty.

Running Large: Running Again

Today I start back to a Running Room clinic. John Stanton is going to be able to retire on what I've spent on the For Women Only program, Learn to Run program and 5km Program. (To be fair, I probably made back what I've paid when I was a co-instructor for the 5k.)

My latest foray into Learn to Run was reasonably successful. I worked my way up to 10&1x2. So I'm moving up with most of my clinic to the 5km program.  I can already do the time, I tried it out a couple of weeks ago.  10&1x3 is doable. At my speed there's not much distance covered.

On the Partners for a Healthier Weight program during the 900 calorie OptiFast phase I can't increase my exercise. But since I've dropped a few other activities because summer is over, it should be fine.

The goal for this clinic is to keep moving. Based on my runs over the last 2 weeks I'll continue to lose speed from my super-slow speed walker pace to an even slower elderly-strollers-will-pass-me pace. Luckily there's a running buddy at my speed who keeps me at a reasonable starting pace. Looking forward to seeing her tonight.

Lesson 1: What you control

Choosing to participate in 12-weeks of a medically supervised liquid diet teaches you a few unexpected lessons. The one that hits home right now is:

1. you control what you control and nothing else.

Remember just a few days ago when I was worried over my weight loss?  It wasn't much worth worrying about. Because I'm certainly not worried about my weight gain.  Yes, you read that right, my weight gain.  I'm back up 2lbs.

Just so you know, I'm 100% faithful to the program to date. Not a morsel, calorie free or not, has passed my lips.  My water intake fluctuates between three and five litres a day. So on 900 calories of a perfectly balanced meal replacement, my body can still gain weight.

Oddly, I'm not worried or frustrated.  It's a relief.  It's never seemed believable that hormones and water might make me gain weight. Weight can be gained even if I'm on track for balanced calorie appropriate meals and exercise!  I have proof.  I can only control what I can control.

Next I need to take that discovery and turn it into action.  The number of pounds I weigh on any day is just a number.  It can help me know when the trend is going the wrong direction.  But what's really going to matter is:

1.  making good choices as often as I can, and 
2. not getting demoralized.

The number is just a number. It's a solution to an algorithm with too many unknown variables to calculate. It's as opaque to me as calculus. So I'll focus on what is clear.  How I:

1. fuel my body, and
2. how I use my body. 

Partners for a Healthier Weight - Day 11

I`m still trudging along on the Partners for a Healthier Weight.  No taste or food has passed my tongue except for the vanilla or chocolate Optifast 900.  In the first 4 days on a liquid diet there have been a few moments I expected to be challenging.

1. My family met with my sister and parents on an outing that included a picnic.  They were great and didn`t offer me any food, but did push a bottle of water on me.  (Not such a bad thing).
2. Attended a birthday party with snacks, cake and ice cream.  Saying no the first round was easy, but I did have to get up and move away from the leftover cake.
3. Helped my husband prepare the kids food for supper.  He was taking care of diapers, pasta and cooking.  So I pitched in to slice up cucumbers, cheese and ham.  It went ok... but I`m upstairs typing instead of downstairs with them because the smells were tempting.

Today I`m actually hungry.  Maybe because breakfast was late? Maybe because my back hurts and that makes me want to eat?  But I don't want anything sweet.  Cucumbers have become an over powering smell for me.  (I love cucumbers with salt).  I would trade a days worth of packets for tuna and cheese or just about anything with salt (especially cucumbers).

The idea of going without real food is still baffling to me.  Right now the approach is get up every morning and try my best for the day.  Celebrate how far I've come already.  So when I go to bed tonight, I'll be 5% done the liquid diet phase.  Down to 80 days.  In moments by myself I'm still too near tears about the fact that this is what it's taking me to lose weight, that I couldn't manage it by myself.

But I am losing weight, and I am trying to keep habits that kept off the weight from my first weight drop from near 280lbs to between 220 & 230lbs.  So I log my food.  (Silly, right?  The same thing 4 times a day).  My water is all logged, too.  I weigh myself everyday, but don't get worried about it.  Interestingly I did gain weight at least one day on the program.  Keeping my exercise up is a challenge.  There's a little lack of energy and also a nagging back pain that started the same day as the liquid diet.

Let's see how tomorrow goes.

What is Partners for a Healthier Weight?

To quote some of their welcome package, Partners for a Healthier Weight is a "medically and psychologically supervised" program that "uses a meal replacement called Optifast which provides 900 calories per day.  The meal replacement is 12 weeks in duration and is followed by a 6 week transition to food.  Regular physician/nurse assessments and blood work are all a mandatory part of the medical monitoring.


The meal replacement will certainly help you lose weight; however it is the weekly facilitator-guided sessions that are essential to your long-term success!"

Before the program starts there needs to be a referral from your family doctor, an initial fasting blood work, and an extended online survey.  The results from the blood work and survey are the basis for the meetings with the nurse, dietician, and psychologist.  They all assess you for your likely success, review the survey and have some questions of their own.  Plus there's a bit of a physical with the nurse.

Week 1 was a welcome and introduction where the nurse, dietician, psychologist and physiotherapist are all present.  Because of the pre-work I'd already met the nurse, dietician and psychologist.  There was a meet and greet to get to know some of the other participants.  Once we'd done the meet and greet the group was divided in half with half starting with a walk test and half starting with weighs and measures.

The weighs and measures were much what you'd expect.  Waist measurement, a body comp analysis and an extended blood pressure test.  I've forgotten the waist measure and blood pressure, but I have the Tanita Body Composition Analyzer TBF-310 results.

Height 5'5"
Weight 226.0
BMI 37.6
Impedance 422
Fat % 45.8
Fat Mass 103.5 lbs
FFM 122.5 lbs

The walk test was a bit of a surprise to me.  They suggested comfortable clothes and sneakers.  It turned out to be the 10 M Shuttle Walk Test.  I was kicked out at level 11 for not making the time.  After it was over I regretted not wearing my sports bra - it was nearing a full out run for me.  Unfortunately my course was shared with another who went even farther than I did.  I probably went out because of the pressure on my back and hip of always having to turn left and the dizziness.  Wish it could be done again and there would be an option to turn left or right on demand!

Most of the rest of the night was caught up in signing away waivers, quick talks and getting an intro to week 1.

Week 1 was a 1200 calorie diet with a strict measure of tracking.  Each day there were:

• 5 70 cal servings of grains and starches (only 2 could be bread, corn, potato, turnip, squash)
• 3-4 65 cal servings of fruit
• unlimited vegetables
• 2-3 90 cal servings of milk or alternatives (milk, yogurt)
• 6-7 75 cal servings of meat or alternatives (1 oz) includes cheese, eggs, peanut butter, legumes
• 3 45 cal servings of fats
• 2-4 condiment servings of 20 cal

The first few days I struggled to get to 1200 calories.  I was out and about and didn't have the reference with me.  By the end of the weekend, knowing it was your last time in a long time to chew food, it was really hard to stick to the program.  There is a cupcake splurge I must admit to being the lone participant in.  There were also many of my favorite healthier foods - spinach, corn, raspberries, and apples.

The first week had a high level of anxiety for me.  The idea of not eating was just so far out of my realm of possibility it was stressful.  There were nightmares and random feelings of being completely overwhelmed.

It's actually been less challenging to be on the liquid diet than to think about being on the liquid diet.

Partners for a Healthier Weight - Day 9

More details to come later on the Partners for a Healthier Weight Program.  But I wanted to share that I am enrolled and doing my homework.

What that means today is that I`ve just finished day two of 84 days on a liquid diet of 900 calories.  That means only 328 (of 336) more drinks to go.  And then, presumably, I get to crunch something.

The liquid product is surprisingly disgusting.  The OptiFast 900 in Canada is only available in vanilla and chocolate.  Both flavours taste vaguely like cake batter.  Cold seems to improve the taste some.  Made with ice in a blender and using a straw to minimize time on the tongue works best for me.  I`ve also gone well past the recommended amount of water to dilute the taste.  Both flavours of OptiFast 900 taste better when I`m hungry - but with four packets a day - I`ve only been hungry when out longer than I expected.  (Wishing for other flavours or chewing, but not actually hungry).

Odd side effects have been minimal.  Behaviour changes are a bit surprising.  I`m brushing my teeth constantly. Not certain if that`s to rid my mouth of the flavour or because the toothpaste introduces another taste.  The dry(er) mouth is noticeable, but not problematic.  My lips have also dried out so there`s an increase usage of lip balm.

My early speculation is that the nasty taste for me - and the almost gagging response to the last few mouthfuls - is not dissimilar to how I feel about many proteins (especially powdered), bananas and yogurt.  Might explain the low iron that`s plagued me through life.

As for the running, it`s still going.  I finished the learn to run clinic with a slow 3k.  This week I got in a couple of 10 & 1s on Sunday, Thursday and Friday.  Thursday was about 2.7 in 24 minutes, Friday was 2.5k in the same 24 minutes or so.  Not fast... but still moving.

Run, run, as fast as you can

I don't run very fast. So it was an easy decision to offer to be a 'sweeper' for the Learn to Run clinic. My role as one of the group leaders is to make sure:

• No one gets left behind.
  
• No one is lost.
  
• No one gets left on the road.

After my clinic, I wasn't expecting this to be a very challenging job. My speed will keep me close to the back middle, so I would slow a little and have some company. The Running Room's clinic is Thursday nights this term and I assumed a small group (20?).

Well, what my parents told me regularly as a teen - assume makes an ASS out of U and ME. This group is pushing 35. Being 1 of 3 group leaders is hard. No one is running the pace they want. It's like the beginning of a race - but for the whole run.

People don't want to slow down. And really? Who am I to tell them they should?

But if you're doing 1 & 2s for 7 sets, and you're in the front of the pack for the first 3 and walking the last 3? You're going out too fast.

When the group moves to 1 & 1s for 10 sets and you're still in the front for the first 3 and walking the last 3? You're going out too fast.

If you're trying to learn to run and you can't breath at the end of a minute? You're going out too fast.

It's not about being fast. It's about getting it done.

It's Legs and Lungs

It's true to say that my first attempt at learn to run was a failure. My second was difficult, but successful.

Throughout my second Learn to Run clinic I experienced difficulty at every level. Every week we increased the consecutive minutes running was harder. My legs were sore. My lungs hurt from the effort. My trip home was just thinking about the stretching, the waffle, the shower and the nap. Really? Once I'd done my run for a day I was done for the day.

This time around was a little different. Running came back slowly post-baby #3. But effort was made to get in shape with classes, gym routine, walking, ellipticals, etc. It's worked. Getting my run in for the day is just part of the day. Unless I got up at the crack-of-stupid for my run, I can get through a run day without a nap.

Maybe it's thrown my balance off a little, too.

My legs are ready for more - longer strides, further distance, faster pace. My lungs? Are dying. I feel like a smoker struggling for my last breath.

Any advice on how to get back in sync? (Besides not working out and letting my legs weaken to my lungs pace.)

Great run

No blogging.
Little twitter.
Less activity.
Almost no running.

That describes my last 3 weeks. Alternating between sadness for the end of my year long maternity leave and happiness at the enormously privilege it is to have my life there hasn't been much healthy going on.

But last nights run was great. Surprisingly great. I did my 1 & 1s x 10 with the Learn to Run clinic. (Walked the last few to make sure everyone made it back). Finished that up with some socializing. Then hit the road again for 10 & 1 x 2. It was hard. I wanted to give up at 3 minutes, and 5 minutes and 8 minutes on each 10 minute set. But I didn't. And it felt so good to make it. To be done. To complete. Even a few minutes on the run felt great!

Pretty sure it wouldn't have happened without the massage from Breathe in Bedford. My flexibility is amped way past normal. Massages will become a regular part of my live better, take on the world, challenge myself way of living.

Eating right instead of eating wrong

Eating right is a struggle for me.

Mary tweeted about grocery shopping everyday. She reminded me how far I've come. Not that many years ago I walked through a grocery store to get home everyday. My habit was to pick up supper and my 'snack' for the night. Usually large chips & dip, cookies, Smartfood, chocolate, or my favorite - cheesies. I often ate a large bag of cheesies in one night. Or two. But never three.

When Mary tweeted? My first thought was - wouldn't that be great - fresh fish every night. Quick access to fruit when you run out. Salads just waiting to be picked up. That was a great reminder of how far I've come.

But within a few minutes I knew that today I'd still much rather open a giant bag of cheesies then make a salad. It's hard to understand. The cheesies taste yucky. I feel yucky when I eat them. There's even an eating hangover where my body is dragging for eating them.

So I do the easiest thing possible. I don't buy cheesies. If they get left at my house after a party? They've been known to be opened and DUMPED IN THE GARBAGE. (Or dropped in a food bank box).

But removing the nasty food from the house is just creating a new bad behaviour. Lynn at Life Health Fitness called it Disordered Eating. Mine is less severe. I don't purge. But I do binge. There's a need to keep eating when I'm:

• tired
  
• bored
  
• angry
  
• alone or
  
• with others
  

Sometimes I eat til I feel ill. I eat past the food tasting good. I eat when it makes me uncomfortable.

This behaviour? With the food hangovers, the yuck-factor? Gets in the way of my return to running. Slows me down. Makes me feel bad.

I'm going to beat it.

Eight years later, I can say that even if I lived IN a grocery store there will be no return to the daily intake of chips, chocolate or pop. That's a lifestyle change I've made.

And I'm keeping it.

OK2010A! Challenge #4 - Increasing veggies

Operation Kick 2010's Ass is commencing part IV.
Another month, another challenge. Are you ready?

This time we're back to a nutritional challenge. For the month of April your task is to eat two full servings of vegetables.

This is less than half of the recommended servings of vegetables each day. Two is better than none Two is nearly halfway to where you need to be.

Examples of one serving of vegetables:
five broccoli florets
ten baby carrots
one roma tomato
3/4 cup tomato juice
half of a baked sweet potato
one ear of corn
four slices of an onion
1 cup leafy greens

Potato does not count!

Here's a list of some interesting veggies. They can be canned, fresh or frozen.
http://cookery.newarchaeology.com/vegetables.php

Some suggestions for working your veggies in:
1. Soup with cabbage, spinach, carrots & celery something like the one I made but didn't eat
2. Spinach salad topped with strawberries, oranges & nuts
3. Roast cauliflower mashed half & half with boiled potato
4. Baked sweet potato done french fry style
5. Bake salmon with fennel and tomato.
6. Frozen stir fry veg with some soya sauce, oil, garlic, brown sugar or honey
7. Veggie fajitas
8. Roast root veggies and use on salad, quesadilla with feta, or on pasta with cream sauce
9. Caesar salad
10. Ants on a log

Hope you're in! Don't forget you're still working on
1. 30 min of activity a day
2. tracking food
3. squats challenge

Running - Slow, Fat and (sometimes) in Pain

As promised in the bio this is a blog about a return to running. This month I made good on an early part of my plan. If I can't do it on my own, I need to get help.

So I've returned to the Running Room's Learn to Run program. It's what got me running outside last time. It's also where I met my running partner. My first night back I called speed dating. Only if there was someone as slow as me was I going to stick around. It was successful. And I was relatively fast!

We're three weeks in now and I'm not fast. At all. Not sure why I did so well the first night. Waiting for the magic to happen again.
The program to date is:

March 27th - Run 1 minute, Walk 2 minutes
April 3rd - Run 1 minute, Walk 1 minute x 10
April 10th - Run 2 minutes, Walk 1 minute x 7

You do your first at the time with the group on Saturday. Two more runs during the week on your own or with the Running Club at the Running Room. I've made it out to most Wednesday night runs at 6pm. Even made a Sunday morning.

This morning we tackle 3 min runs and 1 min walks. Wish me luck! I follow that up with a weigh and measure appointment for the Biggest Loser contest I've entered. It's going to be a big day.

OK2010A! Challenge #3 - Squat Challenge

Let's skip to #4. Since March is now over, it's official, the squat challenge was a failure. But here's the blog post I SHOULD have put up.


Operation Kick 2010's Ass is commencing part III. Every month gives you another chance to start fresh.

For the third challenge I want you to sit your way to success. We'll be taking on the 200 Squat Challenge. It's well documented at http://www.twohundredsquats.com. There's even an iPhone & iPod Touch app.

Your commitment to the Squat challenge will count toward the 30 minutes of activity a day you're doing for the January challenge. The recommend time for you to a lot to the program is 30 min week over 3 days/week.

Why squats?

1. They're a functional exercise. They develop muscles and motions that we use ever day.
   
2. You can attempt the challenge to suit yourself. If 200 is too easy you can ramp it up with bicep curls. Too hard and you can repeat a week.
   
3. Squats don't require a special place. You can do them anywhere. No need to find a piece of floor to lay on. If need be you can lock yourself in a bathroom to get your squats done!
   
4. Low cost. The only costs for the squat challenge is your time. No need to buy equipment or join a gym.
   
5. Long-term commitment to health and fitness. The challenge will take as long as 6 weeks, taking us into the middle or April.
   
6. Long-term success. Next time you take a core class, stability ball class or other fitness class you'll be laughing at the request for two sets of 12 squats. That's just over 10% of what you can do!
   

To recap:
January was about doing 30 minutes of activity everyday. You're still committed to getting'er done.
February created the habit of writing down your food each day. Keep it up!
March is about adding a functional exercise to make us all stronger at everyday tasks.

On your mark, get set, SQUAT!

OK2010A!

This year has a theme for me.  It's about embracing the whole of my life and living large.

My theme for the year, Operation Kick 2010's Ass (OK2010A!), started January 4, 2010.

You're welcome to be part of it. You're welcome to ignore it. This is part of how I'm going to face 2010, because 2010 is about generally maximizing fun for me, my husband and the kids.

Want to join me?  You are officially challenged to 30 minutes of new activity every day for 30 days.

We're all busy. Some of us are parenting a number of kids, some of us have stressful jobs, some of us are in the middle of profound life changes. But your goal is to take on another 30 minutes of activity. Include your kids, do it at your desk, on the Wii, 3 sets of 10 minutes, 6 sets of 5 minutes; whatever it takes to get it done.

Walks, squats at the bus stop, a class, a swim, a run, a video... if you're struggling with how to get it done, ask for help. We've all got ideas and we've all got excuses. (I can help with coming up with excuses, too!)

There is no weigh-in. No need to point to a before and after. This is about feeling better and having more energy. About creating good habits and modeling good behaviour for others in our lives. The pride of accomplishment is your reward.

The Sound of Silence

The silence is frustration. I'm bored of writing about excuses.

My treadmill has been as idle as my blog.
I hurt my back (again) and am just back to walking for fitness today.

But the blog, and my running, are both working on the same assumption:
I'm just going to have to start one more time then I stop.

Running fat & large, but RUNNING

There are no speed records being set, but the running has begun.

The last two weeks have had somewhere between 4 to 6 walks of about 30 minutes. The first one was barely 2km, the last have been barely 3km.

But my assumptions that technology is smart made an ass of me again. My iPod must have completely died at some point and been recharged, but not synched. No idea what date my walks were recorded as over the last two weeks, so I can't provide the details.

Tonight I broke out with the 1 minute runs. The schedule was:
0-5 minute warm-up walk
1 minute run + 2 minute walk x 7
4 minute walk (at good pace)
about 5 minute cool down

Managed to cover around 3.5km. Still slow. Took me almost all of 30 minutes to get to 3km. My Nike+ claims my best 3km was 25min & 19sec. Who knows how long ago that was. Certainly pre-pregnancy.

It felt great. My intention was only to do 5 sets of the 1 minute run + 2 minute walk. But it was good so I kept at it. Plus there was a desire to reach 3km in 30 minutes.

Tonights walk/run (according to the iPod):
Distance - 3.39km*
Time - 35:32
Pace - 10:28min/km
Calories - 362
*treadmill claimed it was 3.5km and I stayed on the treadmill an extra 30 seconds to get there.

Anyone running fat? Running postpartum? You're welcome to keep me motivated by sharing your training.

Running fat: On the treadmill again

Moving on up! Finally got off my rather large ass and got on the treadmill. 35 minutes while watching the Biggest Loser last night. My walks are a little faster than when I was 7 months pregnant, but still a quite slow.

But it was mostly good. I worked hard. Got a good sweat going. Was moving. I don't hurt today. That's all good.

Tonight I was too lazy to do it again, but I did pull out the Wii and did 32 minutes of Wii Fit. That's on top of my walking lunges and crab walk to the bus stop and the sumo walk back. The kids music class "Parent Room" was empty, so I did a few crunches, situps and planks.

My todo list is changing. Instead of just having my homework, things the kids need, meal prep and similar now it starts with "30 minutes of activity".

It feels good to move, to sweat and to feel strong. If I can work this in while parenting 3 kids and going to school? Surely you can, too.

Eating better

Obesity Boot Camp taught me that the little things count. That I shouldn't be trying to change everything at once. That I shouldn't be focused on losing big amounts of weight over a little amount of time.

Since Canadians can't get on Biggest Loser, I kind of have to agree.

I think it was Health Psychologist Michael Vallis that spoke about a theoretical weight loss of 50lbs. That most of us would see success as losing 50lbs in 6 months and keeping it off for 5 years. According to him, long term success would look more like losing 10lbs over 3 months and keeping it off for a year. Then losing another 10lbs. Rinse and repeat until the last 9 months of year 5 you are at goal weight.

To do that? You make small changes and stick with him.

My small change last week was to drink 64oz of water everyday. To help me make it happen I've been putting a container of water (just for me) in the fridge each night to chill. (No more foot stomping and childish behaviour when the kids and husband use up all the cold water in the family pitcher).

It worked. I lost a 2.6 pounds.

This week my goal is high fibre cereal (Fibre 1 Honey Clusters) 5 mornings a week.

On Thursday I'll know if it worked.

Fibre1 Honey Clusters has the following nutritional information per 1 cup.
Calories 200
Fat 1.5g
Sodium 300g
Carb 43g (Fibre 13g)
Protein 5g

Plus it has 50% of my daily iron (something I need).

Running fat: Checking in

Still not running. Still not walking.
But! I did drop a couple of pounds in a week.
Running is still part of the equation, but here's a new interim goal. Losing 15 lbs by Thursday, December 17. So to keep track of where I was and where I'm going my starting measurements on October 8, 2009 were:

Weight - 224.4
Waist - 43
Left Arm - 14
Right Arm - 13.5
Left Leg - 26
Right Leg - 26
Hips - 52
Chest - 46

Running while fat: the first goal

Success comes in many forms. Success for this summer was producing and caring for a beautiful new baby girl. She was a healthy 9lbs 15oz.

There were occasionally forays of activities. Two weeks on the treadmill again. Determination to get out walking. But nothing consistent.

I'm back within a few pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight. But I'm already fluctuating up from there. So that means it's time to kick this journey off again. I have so many excuses not to. Kids to care for. House to clean. Meals to cook. Homework to do. Classes to attend. But to paraphrase something I heard on CBC's White Coat Black Art - obese people don't get old. If you see an old fat person? Take a picture. Because most are dead.

Where am I starting from?

Slightly injured. My back lower back is hyper-extended (SI joint). That's causing some hip and shoulder problems, too. Prolapsed uterus that happened postpartum. (That has somewhat worsened the urinary incontinence).*
Haven't weighed myself in awhile, but I will!
No running partner. She's dealing with a long term injury.
Fluctuating between eating well and living on cookies.
Drinking my water more than half the time.
Doing a core-training class once/week.
Regular stretching and Physio that's helping the back, hip and shoulder.

The first goal?
Get moving again!
Hoping for two weeks with three or more walks of 30 minutes or more. (Some of those will be pushing a stroller with about 50lbs of kid in. Please forgive me if they're slow.)

Anyone in?

* Have to note that I'm not the only one. Thanks to Christie O for posting her True Confessions!